My Inner Police refused bribe

I think I am being foolish. It’s not easy to get ‘true friends’ these days and when I have got one – I am making this person nut. I am talking to you directly my friend, ‘you are such an honest friend, and its nothing to do with gender not is there any fear in my mind as to the relationship between the both of us. Your friendship with me is my connection with God. It’s not about both of us when we are together but when we are not. I experience my demons and they keep whispering all around me, "you are an imposter."

I can not lie to you and my inner voice tells me – I am a fake – it cries inside me as if I have imprisoned many of my masked slaves inside me. I think my "inner police" is still honest and have been refusing to accept bribe. My fear is that I may not be able to live up to my billing. One of my inner masked myself has refused me several times; another person inside me is bent to give all credits to my luck.

I am not afraid of you being a woman and I being a man. I am not afraid of our friendship being a friendship of opposite sex people. I feel fully connected and there is no doubt in my mind that our friendship is clean and is forever. But one of my inner selves is telling me that "you should be afraid because you are a fake" – I know I am not but still I am afraid.

The fact of our society is that normally when opposite sex people begin their relationship it's the female who should act the way I am acting. Perhaps you are stronger than I am.